i needed a virtual change.

so this is my new xanga:

godspeeddarling

Currently Watching Little Miss Sunshine By Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Chuck Loring, Robert O'Connor (IV), Steven Christopher Parker, Erik David, Alissa Anderegg, Matt Winston, Justin Shilton, Paul Dano, Abigail Breslin, Jennessa Rose, Jerry Giles, Mark Kubr, Grant Hayes, Lindsey Jordan, Alan Arkin, Julio Oscar Mechoso, Cassandra Ashe see related

honesty:

i'm at a place in my life where i don't like
what i do or where i am.
& wanting to be happy with
who i am.
not what people think of me.

i feel stagnant and unmotivated.
it makes me hide from the world-
& makes me a hermit in my own home.

"if i don't enjoy myself, how could a friend?"

grant it, i'm working through these feelings
and i don't want sympathy.
i apologize if it's affected you.
please know, i'm learning alot about myself-
i'm coming to terms with some things
i've never dealt with-
and that
i know is good.

i'm broken.
& i know it's exactly where i need to be.
i'm sharing my journal entry from tonight because
for some reason i feel like i need to-

& hoping someone, somewhere can relate.
if not, pardon my need for nostalgia this evening.

************************************

and this is your refuge
again let the words dance across the page
and sing you to sleep like the piano keys
you sewed into your vocal chords that night
the world slept in the palm of your hand
well turns out it was never about that and when
you feel like there is nothing left to grasp onto
just remember that your story is still written on yellow school buses
with crossed out pen drawings and the dirt you traced on the back window
when you waved goodbye for the first time
well they are long gone in the folds
the folds of it all but maybe just maybe
if you wait for the moment when everything is still
and you whisper loud enough they may remember your name
and take you back to the places where you hid to fight the sleep
and to fight the night because the days stretched for miles across your veins
throbbing like the lightning bug sky over a girl
who painted her dreams with crayons on a white piece of paper
that hung like a prize on the refrigerator
amongst alphabet magnets and scattered polaroids
and yes that little girl was you
and when you feel like your lungs have crumbled
just remember that the fringes to hold your bones together
still lie in the cracks of that chalk splattered sidewalk
so scrape the remains like tangerine rinds until your fingers bleed dry
with nothing but the red stained grass at your side
but when the asphalt clouds tell you a storm will come
and shake the world so violently with tears
even the strongest umbrella will not stand a chance
and no you won't either
well remember that little girl
the one in the photograph
with the sequins glowing in her eyes
she is still the skeleton in your insides
so go ahead and pull her out so she can build
you a paper mache boat to sail away from tonight
back to the years that are strung out like lights in a place far away from here.

Currently Listening Makers By Rocky Votolato see related

i just wanted to tell these kids happy birtday.

love you!

and miss. lauren.

<3

his words are amazing:


putrefaction

"of late i've had this thought
that this country has gone backwards
4 or 5 decades and that all the social advancement
the good feeling of person toward person
has been washed away
and replaced by the same
old bigotries we have
more than ever
the selfish wants of power
the disregard for the weak
the old
the impoverished
the helpless
we are replacing
want with war
salvation with slavery
we have wasted the gains
we have become rapidly
less
we have our Bomb
it is our fear
our damnation
and our shame.
now.
something so sad
has hold of us
that the breath leaves
and we can't even cry."

Currently Reading The Last Night of the Earth Poems By Charles Bukowski see related